Dear Dork,

Apr. 27th, 2017 04:46 pm
nikkiscarlet: Meiou Setsuna and Kaiou Michiru, from the Sailor Moon manga (Default)
[personal profile] nikkiscarlet
Of all the cats I've ever lived with, your method of telling me "I want to come inside now" is definitely the most dramatic, and it's especially weird considering you don't do it to tell me you want to go out.

When you want to go outside, you politely sit by the door and look up at me, patient yet plaintive. You are every bit the little lady that visitors think you are.

When you want to come inside, though, you're the giant dork I know you really are.

If I were a better parent to you, I would probably try to point out that the most efficient way to get back in the house is probably NOT to hurl yourself at the door and cling to the window frame by the tips of your claws, but I have never claimed to be a saintly influence and I find it hilarious, so never stop doing it, you weirdo.

Your Favourite Giant Bipedal Cat

(Dear [community profile] note_to_cat: I figured with the influx of new users from LJ, it might be fun to try to perk this community up again. I miss hearing about other people's tiny dorks!)
[personal profile] destinyislands
Dear Bad Cat,

When I'm putting away laundry and leave a drawer open while I'm getting more clothes, that is not an invitation for you to get inside the drawer, mess up all of the clothes I folded, and sleep on them while shedding everywhere. You have your own bed. You could sleep on my bed. Please leave my clothes alone.

-Human Who's Tired of Refolding Clothes
yvi: (Cats - fish bowl)
[personal profile] yvi
Dear Newton,

standing under the basement trap door, which is conveniently located next to my desk and meowing for half an hour straight will not make me like you more on this lovely Sunday morning. And that might lead to me not doing as you are commanding me.

I will not pull down the ladder so you two can wreak havoc up there. Live with it.

No love,
azurehart: (cat-Laughter-Is)
[personal profile] azurehart
Fess up Panda, you're really a alien here to rule over us all as our Supreme Feline Overlord, aren't you?

I might not of realized this, but I'm pretty sure normal cats don't make phone calls, do Google searches on the computer, erase phone messages, change TV channels, and run around with scissors.

Just remember who kept you in gooshie food and fuzzy mice when you take over, alright?

Much love (and not a little fear),

The giver of gooshie, AKA Mom
dame: (Default)
[personal profile] dame
Dear Link,

I realize adjusting to the new dog has been hard, and it makes me happy when you once again bounce into my lap for affection.

Please realize, though, that suddenly darting across the room to get away from the dog also makes him want to chase you! Harley wants nothing to do with you otherwise.

You're still my original and my baby,

♥ Iris.
ceci_bessie: (Default)
[personal profile] ceci_bessie
Dear Cat,

While I understand that you like to sleep in my lap, I really need to be able to move around now and then. Why don't go and do something else for a little while? Like eat the food I put out for you, which was perfectly fine this morning but suddenly won't do anymore, you spoiled little brat.

Your Human
[personal profile] destinyislands
Dear Cat,

I know you love your toy dolphin and you love moving it all over the place. But you do not have to meow at me every time you move the thing. I can see you doing it. You don't need to tell me. And just because I'm laying down doesn't mean it's time for you to jump on top of me and go to sleep.

Your human

P.S. You can keep falling asleep on the dolphin though. It's adorable.
emocatstudio: (Default)
[personal profile] emocatstudio
Dear Kitkit,

Just because I roll over in my sleep does not, in fact, mean I am waking up. It's not your cue to jump up in front of my face and meow as loud as possible. It's 3am, let me sleep.

Also, sleeping in my lap is not a problem if I'm playing a console game. But when it's a handheld you will be relegated to the arm of the chair. Please don't hate me <3

Love, me.
helens78: Picture of an orange tabby with text: "I for one welcome our new feline overlord" (me: olaf)
[personal profile] helens78
Dear Picky Cat,

I know. I know! It is 90F out here, and you do not want gooshyfood. But you also do not appear to want any kibble, either. We have tried two different kinds! Please eat something! Anything! I really want to feed you, and you seem so hungry. :(

Your adoring female supplicant
yvi: (Cats - fish bowl)
[personal profile] yvi
Dear Newton and Marie,

I know you love to terrorize us humans with loud noises and walking all over us when you think we need to wake up and feed you. However, you usually start at around 6:30. Would you terribly mind not to start at 4:30 on the day we have to get up at 5:30 to drive 500 kilometers in one day?

Thanks, your lowly humans.


Jun. 1st, 2010 10:42 am
helens78: Picture of an orange tabby with text: "I for one welcome our new feline overlord" (me: olaf)
[personal profile] helens78
Dear Olaf,

While it is physically harder to write something while you're sitting on my lap, you make a lot of things much, much easier on an emotional level.

Thank you for being my kitty.

Female Human
helens78: A man in a leather jacket, seated on the ground, looks up hopefully. (Default)
[personal profile] helens78
Dear cat,

I AM RIGHT HERE! In the other room! You do not need to yowl at me for hours1 to get me to come play kitty ball with you; I am in your favorite kitty ball room already! I even have the ball!

Your human

1: Okay, minutes. But still.
azurelunatic: "Fangirl": <user name="azurelunatic"> and a folding fan.  (fangirl)
[personal profile] azurelunatic
Dear Asterix,

You make a better armrest than you do a mousepad, although a cat as a mousepad is hilarious.

Dear Speak,

[personal profile] jamoche's hair is not your cat toy.

Dear both of you,

Your human is getting nail clippers very very soon.

your adoring once-a-week human toy
helens78: Picture of an orange tabby with text: "I for one welcome our new feline overlord" (me: olaf)
[personal profile] helens78
Note to Olaf:

While I am very excited that I can have a "pet stats" option on Wii Fit, and can see your cute little orangey stripey self in Wii Fit Plaza, you do not actually get to play the game.

This means that your "help" during my yoga and strength training exercises, while cute, makes the Balance Board very confused. Kitty snuggles are for after exercise!

Your adoring female human
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